What’s the difference between a beetroot and an egg?
You can beat an egg but you can’t beat a root
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By nature, Jason was very intelligent but a bit shy. One day he went into a bar, and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white-wine spritzer.
Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this lady, and eventually, he gathered up the courage to walk across and speak to her.
“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.
The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice, “No! I will not sleep with you tonight!”
Jason blushed, beetroot red with embarrassment, and everyone in the bar looked over to see what was going on.
So he walked back over to the counter where he’d been sitting, reflecting on how he might have handled the situation and intending to leave the bar as soon as he'd finished his drink.
However, a couple of minutes later, the attractive woman walked over to him and apologized.
“I’m really sorry,” she said. “I’m actually a Ph.D. student at Harvard and I’m researching how people respond in embarrassing situations.”
To which Jason responded, yelling loudly at the top of his voice, “What do you mean you charge three hundred dollars minimum?!”
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footy time..Go the Tigers
here is just one more
thanks to all who give me a TU
I really appreciate it
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The Wrestler.
There's an up-and-coming wrestler, and I mean a real wrestler not that glitzy camp showman stuff. Sweat and muscle. And he's good; with the able assistance of his manager, he's rising steadily in the ranks.
In fact he's so good, that he decides he can do it - he asks his manager to set up a title fight with The Champ.
"No way," the manager says. "Impossible. You just ain't ready."
"I am ready chief, I just know I am! I can do it!"
"No," the manager replies, "you can't. The Champ has his signature move, the 'Double-Spread-Eagle-Toe-Hold-Triple-Leg-Press'. You know this. It's so painful, that anybody he catches in it, bang! That's their career over. Nobody has ever escaped it. Forget it!"
But the wrestler won't forget it. He keeps on and on at his manager until the old man is at the end of his rope. Finally, he cracks.
"OK," he says, "you asked for it. A shot at The Champ. Well, you're getting it! But listen up; he WILL get you into his Double-Spread-Eagle-Toe-Hold-Triple-Leg-Press, and when he does I ain't waitin' around. I throw in the towel the instant you're in the Double-Spread-Eagle-Toe-Hold-Triple-Leg-Press and maybe we can still save your career!"
"I won't let you down, Chief!" the wrestler assures him. "He won't get ME into any Double-Spread-Eagle-Toe-Hold-Triple-Leg-Press!"
The big night comes, the wrestler's hubris makes him careless and the manager's worst fear is realized: The Champ gets our boy into the Double-Spread-Eagle-Toe-Hold-Triple-Leg-Press in the first minute!
The wrestler's face is a beetroot mask of agony; the Manager goes to throw in the towel, only to find it gone. He left it in the dressing room!
He sprints to go grab it, but just as he makes the dressing room he hears the sound of a bell and a massive cheer shakes the building. It's all over. He takes a seat and waits for the wrestler to reappear, which he does - staggering into the room.
"I told you kid," the Manager says. "I warned you about the Double-Spread-Eagle-Toe-Hold-Triple-Leg-Press. It's all over."
"I won," the Wrestler says. The Managers eyes pop.
"Won? What do you mean, 'won'? You can't have won! He had you! He had you in the Double-Spread-Eagle-Toe-Hold-Triple-Leg-Press! I saw it, with these eyes!"
"Oh, he did," replies the wrestler. "and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. He had me folded over, bent backwards - but just as I was about to black out, I saw it."
"Saw what?"
"A big pair of nuts hanging right in front of my face, just swinging there. So I bit them!"
"You - bit...?"
"Yep! Champed my teeth right down on those suckers! And then it was easy - I just stood up, threw him down and got him into a simple half-Nelson. He never stood a chance."
"Oh Dooodness!"
"Yep," said the wrestler. "It's incredible the sudden surge of strength you get from biting your own nuts."
