I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came...

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    I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

    So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
    One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
    So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
    That’s about as far as I remember
    `

    Accent humour, mate!

    It's the year 2022, WWIII has started. 1st world countries vs 2nd world countries and Middle East. Britain asks for reinforcement from Australia. The Australian regiment arrives and next morning starts preparing while the British Commander enters and starts increasing the army's morale:

    British Commander: Did you came here *to die*?

    Australian Soldier: No sir, we came here *yester-die*.
    `

    What type of accent does a fish have

    Finnish
    `

    How do you teach an American an Irish accent

    Say the following words:

    Whale.

    Oil.

    Beef.

    Hooked.

    One more time. . .

    Now say them all together fast.
    `
    An Englishman in Sweden goes to the chemist:
    `
    Englishman - "I’d like to buy deodorant please" Swedish chemist - "Ball or aerosol?"
    Englishman - “No, armpits"
    `

    A man takes a seat at a bar and waves at the bartender. “Gimme a shot of whiskey.”

    A man takes a seat at a bar and waves at the bartender. “Gimme a shot of whiskey.”

    Another man at the bar, notices his accent and asks, “You sound like a fellow Irishman. What county do you come from?”
    “I come from Kildare” the man replies.
    “Me too! What town in Kildare?”
    “Maynooth, born and raised,” the man says.
    “Me too! What a coincidence. What part of Maynooth?”
    “Near St. Mary’s, on Kilcock Rd.”
    “That’s amazing! Me too! Let me buy you a drink! Bartender, two whiskeys!”
    As the bartender pours two shots for the Irishmen, another bar patron comments on the amazing coincidence.
    “Nah,” says the bartender. “Just the Murphy twins drunk again.”
    `

    Three men are sitting naked in a sauna.

    “My wife has a nickname for my penis. It’s so hard and fast, she named it after the boxer, Rocky,” says the first man, who is, coincidentally, a boxer himself.

    “Well, my wife says that my schlong is so long, it’s like being impaled, so she’s named it Vlad,” chimes in the second man, with a slight Romanian accent.

    The third man, a rich software designer, pipes up. “My wife named mine after Bill Gates: Microsoft.”
    `

    The Talking Cat

    Two French brothers are out fishing when one hooks something on his line. After a lot of huffing and puffing by the two of them, they pull up a small wooden chest. They open it, and inside there is a small tabby cat with a note that says "This is a magical talking cat. Please take care of him."r>
    Elated, they start asking the cat questions.

    The first brother says "Bonjour" to the cat! The cat says nothing.

    The second brother figures that's too informal and decides to ask its name. "Comment vous appelez-vous," he says. The cat licks its paw.

    The first brother tries again - "Parlez-vous francais?" Again, nothing.

    They try asking the cat everything from geographical questions to history to personal things. Finally, the second brother suggests they just cut their losses and head home.

    "Oui oui," says the first brother.

    The cat pops up, alert, and says in an American accent "Finally, a dude who speaks English! Where's the litter box?"
    `

    A hiker in Scotland stops to drink from a stream.

    Just as he is lifting his hand to his mouth a passing shepherd yells out "Dinnae drink frae that, mister, it's all full o' coo piss an' shite!"

    The hiker turns and in cut-glass accents replies "My good fellow, would you very much mind repeating that in the Queen's English?"

    And the shepherd says, "I'm so sorry, sir, I was saying that you should cup your two hands together if you want to get a proper drink!"
    `
 
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