Welcome aboard Flight AIM007. My co pilot this morning is First Officer William Cash. Bill has never flown before, you probalby noticed when he came on board that he had his hands handcuffed behind his back. Just a precaution so that Bill does not touch anything whilst we are in flight.
We are currently trying to kick start all four engines. You will notice one of the engines has flames and sparks coming out of it, that is because Bill's toupee came off as he was walking across the tarmac and finished up in engine 3. We expect the flames to stop shortly as his toupee was a cheap nylon job from Burkino Fatso.
You have probably read recently that our aircraft has been running into a few problems. Mainly to do with takeoff. Let me clarify a few points. Our previous First Officer Marcus Garlacus, kept putting the gearstick into reverse half way down the tarmac and this caused considerable problems with liftoff. He has been banished from all AIM flights and is currently undergoing gearstick training in a far away place. We do not expect to see him back on any of our aircraft. The second factor that hindered our departure has been the lack of information I have been receiving from the control tower. Recently I had been sitting at the end of runway 006 for the last 18 months waiting for departure instructions. I have still not heard from anybody in the control tower today, so am keeping my fingers crossed. We do have 18 months of in house movies and a daily delivery from Liquorland in case of any delays.
Anyway in the meantime sit back relax and I will be back shortly with an update on the progress of our engines.
AIM Price at posting:
0.0¢ Sentiment: Buy Disclosure: Held
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(20min delay)