Seeing as this is the humour forum, go to the Day Trading thread in the morning. Bound to be some hilarious advice on there, and you won't have to buy a thing.
Market Close: We're probably not going to see a contrarian September rally – but this way, 2025 might see a Santa Rally
SKK Stakk – formerly Douugh – rockets +300% on deal with Robinhood, the US trading app of 'meme stock' fame