Cunning Plan - implementation

Implementation

Blackadder: Now lets get this plan going. Bond you are to go the camps in your various disguises and report back to me. Firstly, go to the rag tag camp, but be careful as it is Saturday and as we all know Saturday night is alright for fighting. Next go to the Wetpatch camp and determine if the times are a changing. Last go to Nabalot’s camp and check out all their young dudes, but be careful not to be caught in any modern love for we want you at your best.
Bond: Yes, M’Lord. I will leave immediately. First, I will go to the armoury and visit Quentin (‘Q’ to all those that know him) and pick up some new weaponry.

Bond leaves

Blackadder: Jack you are to do a thorough analysis of our damsels, and I mean thorough, leave no stone unturned. Report back to me ASAP

Jack: M’Lord, I have already done a thorough analysis. Most, if not all of the damsels have suffered a reduction in their value. Some substantially. It seems as if the market for their types has changed and they are not as valuable as in the past. This may be due to their ageing, lack of upkeep and maintenance or a change in customer attitudes. In reality they just are not as attractive as they once were, and even the local serfs know this.

Blackadder: Have you done a cost benefit analysis of each and the consequences if they were to be sold, I mean traded?

Jack: Yes M;Lord. I found that each of the Damsels has a group of, what I will loosely call ‘affiliates’. Apparently, each of the damsels sells their wares to the affiliates who in turn sell to the serfs. The serfs have to buy all of their inputs from the respective damsels and also pay them a part of their sales for the privilege.

Blackadder: Sounds a lot like multi-tier marketing. Is this legal, forget the moral, ethical aspects (for we do not care a damn about that)?

Jack: Yes M’Lord. In fact you have profited significantly from this set up. In fact, a lot of the affiliates have borrowed from Wetpatch and Nabalot to set up their businesses, often pledging their huts as security for the loans.

Blackadder: So it is not only me that owes to Wetpatch and Nabalot, but also the affiliates. No wonder those two are in a quandary and reluctant to break the siege. For if they broke the siege and moved on us they would also have to move on the affiliates. This would not look good and I am sure that the great unwasahed, serfs would revolt.

Jack: Yes M’Lord. So, the analysis is quite complex. For each damsel sold we not only have to account for their business profits but those of their affiliates as well.

Blackadder: I know, get on with it.

Jack: Well M’Lord, I have determined that there are 3 or so that we can afford to sell/do a deal with and it will not harm us/you. Two of the damsels were previously presented to you and they are Donut Prince, Piaza and a damsel not presented whose shortened name is Crusty Gourd. None of them is particularly attractive, for I think that we should hold on to the most attractive damsels (even though they have all suffered a reduction in value and are really not that attractive).

Blackadder: Lets see if I have this correct. Those three are the ones you recommend and that the loss of them and their income will not prejudice the treasury too much. In addition, by letting this slip to the public the serfs, Wetpatch and Nabalot will be somewhat satisfied that we are taking positive action. Further, that we would reasonably expect that someone will acquire those damsels at a reasonable price/trade value?

Jack: Yes M’Lord. Their loss would not harm treasury too much in terms of income and amounts spent for their upkeep. As to who would acquire the damsels and at what price only the heavens would know. I suspect that it would not be much and it will take some time for potential purchasers to do their due diligence and come to a suitable arrangement.

Blackadder: So be it. Time is one thing that we do not have a lot of for we need to make progress before the end of August. By the end of August the figures relating to treasury must be out. I feel that they will not be good so any progress/smoke screen before that is needed.

Blackadder: Lord Percy do you agree?

Lord Percy: Yes M’Lord, the 3 damsels recommended are not the most attractive, need work and so on but the process once started will buy us some time.

Blackadder: Then that’s it. We will deal with those three damsels. Now Jack, take your vertically challenged assistant Tim and go and visit Ebenezer. We will offer Ebenezer (miserable miser that he is) a commission on the sale/trade of each of the damsels. That way he can get money from us and presumably his clients should they acquire the damsels.

Jack: Ebenezer!

Blackadder: I have information on Ebenezer that not does he look like he has seen a ghost, but that he is definitely more accommodating, some may say he has become generous in spirit.

With this Jack leaves – to get Tim and go to Ebenezer.

Blackadder: Baldrick you are to go to Australia and let it slip in your discussion that we are looking to do a deal for the 3 damsels. Make sure that you talk up their virtues (as if any damsel in this exercise is virtuous). Make sure that this is of such importance that Australia will publish a pamphlet on it and have the pamphlet read widely.

Baldrick: Yes M’Lord I will leave immediately.

Baldrick leaves

Blackadder: Well Lord Percy the cunning plan is now hatched and operational. We just have to wait for the results.

Lord Percy: Yes M’Lord. There are a few things that I am not sure of. What happens if there are no buyers for the damsels and what if the price is ridiculously low, as any purchaser will know of our circumstances? What will Wetpatch and Nabalot do?

Blackadder: Good questions indeed. The plan is to let Wetpatch, Nabalot and the other damsels and their affiliates know that we are doing all possible to fix the treasury situation and in essence buy time to see if trading conditions (and hence the funds in treasury) improves. Someone will inquire about the damsels. Once this happens then we can correctly say that matters are progressing and stave off the siege. Given that the process for a damsel transaction may take months we are protected during that time. As to the price we receive for the damsels, it matters little.

Lord Percy: Matters little?

Blackadder: Yes, for each of them may very well be a liability or cash drain for us. What matters is the process and the perception that we are addressing the problems. We are buying precious time as the end of August approaches.

To be continued.