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Thank ypou for sharing, i am coming up to 12 months losing my...

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Myshka

30 Posts.

09/11/23

07:16

Post #: 70798003
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Originally posted by Tony barber: ↑

Yeah everyone grieves in a different way.
I do know for a fact that the person that needs the most support is the person giving the support.

Differences in grieving.
I was doing mortgage broking for a while, and for some reason people would tell me everything.

One lady opened up that she’d dropped 100k in 9 months or so at the pokies.
It was her way of dealing with the death of her husband.

my family. Well I actually don’t know what they’re all doing because after the death of my mum a few months ago it’s like the family doesn’t exist.

one brother I wasn’t talking to anyway.
I knew my mum was going to die, I actually said to my other brother that I think she has less than 2 weeks. He was all calm about it.

until about 4 days later when she died.
That morning I called him right after the death and he was rushed / panicked and didn’t want to talk.
I mean, we’d been discussing this. Why the panic? I asked him if he was alright and he hung up on me.
He rushed to be interstate with my dad.

then he sent texts. Weird ones. Like he couldn’t help dad because he was rattled too.

he sent me a msg saying you’re all quiet, why aren’t you calling people etc.
I said call who?

no response and I’ve never received a text or phone call. So that’s two brothers down.

then I moved up here to Albury. It had been the plan for months anyway. My dad lives one km from me.

I see him about every week or 10 days. We message all the time. I’m just giving him space really. He is not the same man and never will be.

we could discuss politics, the price of a steak, or sport and he’d always find a way to contest the comment or argue it.

now he just accepts whatever I say. And he never laughs.

I was by far the closest to my mum. Sometimes we’d chat 3 times a day.
I’d ring her when I just wanted someone to chat to and she’d ring me for that and to clear her chest.

I know things about our family that people will ever know. I know things about my brothers that they don’t even know themselves.

I said to my dad that everyone grieves differently. I said I’m comfortable with her passing.
Nothing was left on the table with her and I.
What needed to be said had already been said.

he agreed.
I know im grieving because I feel a silence.
I now know she was filling that hole.

but you know what? Everything she said to me is still there. I do or say things and quite often immediately thing of what she’d do or what she’d question me on.

it’s a moral compass if you like that she installed in me by stealth.

My dad on the other hand is in a place that I can’t understand. He’s lost a wife of 63 years.

He is lost.
He asked me how long this will take to get over.
I suggested never.

Gee I hope people don’t mind me writing all of that. No one has ever sat down to talk to me about it for longer than 10 minutes.
Guess I needed to get something out.

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Thank ypou for sharing, i am coming up to 12 months losing my dad. It was a total shock, he wasn't and hadn't been sick, he just passed in his shed of a massive heart attack.
My mum is still lost in grief. She asks me why she is feeling the way she is, why some days she just can't do anything, or think anyway in particular. My advice to her is " Just be mum" it ius ok to be sad, it is ok to not know why you're feeling a particular way, it's ok to expect dad to still walk through the door.

She isn't that far from you, l travel up as often as l can. She wants to stay in their home as she feels close to him. My goal is to do everything possible to allow her to stay there as long as she wants.
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