Day Trading 15 July Pre Market, page-2

THE FRIDAY CHUCKLER


Pauline Hanson Dismisses Xenophobia Claims: “I’m Not Afraid At All Of Nick Xenophon”

By The Shovel on July 14, 2016

One Nation Leader Pauline Hanson has hit back at claims she is xenophobic, saying she has every intention to work cooperatively with the South Australian Senator.
“Every day I have Australians coming up to me and saying ‘Pauline, you’re xenophobic’. And I say to them ‘Nick Xenophon doesn’t phase me – I’m not scared of him, never have been’.
“So to the people who say I’m xenophobic, my message is this: I am more than happy to work with Nick Xenophon – or any other Senator for that matter – to find ways to stop Asians and Muslims coming into our country and destroying our way of life”.


Australian Experts Rushed To Britain To Advise On How To Do Political Instability Properly

By The Shovel on July 1, 2016

As the fallout from Brexit continues, Britain’s major parties have turned to Australia’s top political operatives to form a plan that creates total political chaos, rather than just a minor commotion.
“We want to do this properly, so we’ve turned to the best,” an insider from the Conservative Party said. “I never would’ve thought to get the Prime Minister to stand down, and then get his presumptive successor to pull out of the race as well. That’s the type of turmoil you can only conjure up with experience. It’s what Australia does so well”.
One Australian backroom expert who has been flown to London said it was important to draw out the instability over several electoral cycles. “The danger is you just contain it to one cycle, or just one party. So the guidance I’ve given my British counterparts is to spread the chaos broadly. Draw it out.
“Getting the Labour leader to stand aside is the next obvious move, and then you continue the momentum from there”.
A UK Labour Party strategist said he was learning quickly with the help of Australian experts. “Once the new leaders are in place, we’re going to call for an early election. That way we have the unique opportunity to have three Prime Ministers in under a year. I think that’s how you do it”.

New ‘Facebook Memories’ Reminds You What You Did Yesterday

By The Shovel on May 10, 2016

Labelling it a ‘trip down memory lane’, social networking site Facebook today launched a new feature that will remind users of all the beautiful memories they created 24 hours ago.
“We all get nostalgic sometimes. So it’s great to be reminded of that gorgeous selfie you took, or that perfect meal you made this time yesterday,” a Facebook spokesperson said. “You’ll be surprised at all the sanctimonious shit you posted and then totally forgot about. So it’s nice to take a break from the day-to-day and get lost in all of those memories”.
The memories will appear at the top of your newsfeed, and you can subscribe for more detailed updates as well. “What’s even more fun is that you can re-share it with friends, just to remind them once again how wonderful your life is,” the spokesperson said.
Those who can’t wait the full 24 hours for the old memories to appear can manually scroll down their page.