Day Trading 16 Sept Pre Market, page-2

THE FRIDAY CHUCKLER



Donald Trump Released His Medical Records Today And They’re Terrific, Just Terrific!

By The Shovel on September 12, 2016

In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s recent health scare, and following ongoing pressure, Presidential candidate Donald Trump finally released his own health records today, and it makes for tremendous reading!
Here are some of the key details recorded by Mr Trump’s physician, described by Trump as “one of the very best in the industry, believe me”.




PM Keen For Donations Reform. Now Just Looking For Group Or Body With Power To Change Laws

By The Shovel on September 8, 2016

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has given the strongest indication yet that he is open to restricting foreign, corporate and union donations, but says the challenge will be finding a group of people with the power to make it happen.
Speaking from Laos today, Mr Turnbull said, “It’s all well and good to want these things to change. But until someone can come forward with some sort of system or organisation that has the ability to put those changes into place, this will remain just talk”.
He said it would have to be a very specific system. “Ideally it would need to be some sort of democratic process that is designed to handle changes like this,” he said.
Mr Turnbull said he would ask around to see if such a group or system existed, but stressed that a change in the law was the only way to restrict donations. Asked if political parties could simply stop receiving donations in the meantime, Mr Turnbull said it was a lot more complex than that. “It’s a lot more complex than that,” he said.


PM Keen For Donations Reform. Now Just Looking For Group Or Body With Power To Change Laws

By The Shovel on September 8, 2016

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has given the strongest indication yet that he is open to restricting foreign, corporate and union donations, but says the challenge will be finding a group of people with the power to make it happen.
Speaking from Laos today, Mr Turnbull said, “It’s all well and good to want these things to change. But until someone can come forward with some sort of system or organisation that has the ability to put those changes into place, this will remain just talk”.
He said it would have to be a very specific system. “Ideally it would need to be some sort of democratic process that is designed to handle changes like this,” he said.
Mr Turnbull said he would ask around to see if such a group or system existed, but stressed that a change in the law was the only way to restrict donations. Asked if political parties could simply stop receiving donations in the meantime, Mr Turnbull said it was a lot more complex than that. “It’s a lot more complex than that,” he said.

Mum’s fury as son is sent home for wearing purple gimp mask to school



A mum was left furiously staring into a photographer’s camera following the latest school uniform violation.
Elizabeth King, 37, was horrified when little Timmy, age 10, reappeared at the front door a mere half an hour after having got rid of the little git for a blissful few hours.
“He looked so sad- I mean once I unzipped his face, obviously.
“Timmy was so excited to wear his new gimp mask. He’d been polishing it all summer, and he couldn’t wait to show it off to his friends.
“It’s a disgrace. The uniform rules really should be clearer and I don’t see how a gimp mask is going to hinder Timmy’s learning, unless he tries to answer a question without unzipping his mouth first, obviously, but nobody’s that thick.”
Headmaster, Jay Cooper, said, “the rules regarding gimp masks on school grounds are very clear.”
“They must be in the school colours and of a modest design. Timmy’s mask was purple and had six zips and a spiked mohawk sewn into the top of it.
“I’m happy to discuss this further with Mrs King and to show her my gimp mask, in order to quell any future confusion.”
When asked what he thought, little Timmy King said “mmf thft rufflt ver suff”.