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THE FRIDAY CHUCKLER™


Hollywood Stars Bravely Emerge From Gated Mansions To Speak Out Against Trump’s Wall

By The Shovel on February 28, 2017


Saying the US President should build peace not walls, a swathe of celebrities made the brave move to step beyond their gated Hollywood estates last night in a show of solidarity with Mexican immigrants.
“We don’t need a barbed-wire fence on the US Mexico border. All that does is create division and animosity. And besides, barbed wire is ugly – a brushed sandstone wall with a slim-line steel gate, complemented with a tasteful CCTV system is much more elegant,” one actor said.
A leading director agreed, saying that Mexicans were undervalued and much maligned. “Mexicans make America stronger, and they made my reinforced 8-foot security wall stronger too. Let’s not forgot that,” he said to cheers.
The celebrities have since returned to the safety of their houses and will emerge again at the Golden Globes next year.


Big Brother adds fourth line to manifesto



Benevolent dictator Big Brother has punched up his message with a fourth line “News is Fake” this morning.
In a series of tweets this morning, the beloved leader reiterated that War is Peace, Ignorance is Strength, and Freedom is Slavery, but added that News is Fake – an admonishment immediately seized on by the faithful as always having been true.
The expansion to the party message is designed to help loyal citizens better bellyfeel Party messages without bothering themselves with difficult and worrying contradictory reports.
“Failing news media is enemy of the people! Doubleplus Sad!”, he announced at 2:37am this morning.
“Oldthinking CNN, BBC and NYTimes produce Fake News which righthinkers unbellyfeel!”
Praising his followers for their intelligence and ability to avoid being fooled, he stressed that badthinking oldmedia were solely for the purpose of entertaining and misleading the Proles, and it was important that intelligent people didn’t expose themselves to their lies.
All rightthinking party supporters are encouraged to only get news from honest outlets such as Russia Today, Breitbart and The Canary, whose ducktalking correctly summarises all they need to know about the world.
Close associate to the leader Steve Bannon has been appointed to head up the newly formed Ministry of Truth, where it is hoped his experience will help avoid harmful doublethink by reporters from the evil and hostile press by only granting access to members of the Inner Party to those deemed truthful and honest.


‘Newly Discovered’ Planets Have Actually Been Around For Ages, Hipster Astronomer Says

By The Shovel on February 23, 2017



The seven so-called ‘newly discovered’ planets were a thing way before today, an annoying bearded man who works at NASA has pointed out.
Saying it was cringe-worthy how mainstream they had all of a sudden become, the man told his colleagues that the planets have been orbiting for ages in a part of the universe that you’ve probably never heard of.
“Umm, this is all a bit done to death guys. It’s very 55 billion years ago,” he said.