Hi Ben, I hear you have a printing press in the basement? Could I ask a favour and get some new drachmas off you shortly? Cheers, Luke P.
Hi Luke, Already done. Took the liberty of getting them off earlier this year in a quiet moment. Just give us a yell when you want them delivered. Thanks, Ben B.
Dear Ben, In Spain we have high unemployment and our costs of borrowing are blowing out of all proportion. You’ve successfully managed a couple of easing campaigns now, and the world doesn’t seem to have ended for our friends over the ocean. How have you done it? Any recommendations for us over here?
Thank you in advance, Luis.
Dear Luis, Thank you for your comments. It is true that we pride ourselves on our QE efforts and a few members of the board feel that we really have saved the world from total annihilation. High unemployment doesn’t really seem to be an issue. The ones without jobs don’t bother to vote anyway, so I wouldn’t focus on this area of the economy too much. Stick to the main game, make sure those banks keep the money rolling round, and everything will work out in the end. Failing that, we can print some cash and bail you out if the ECB don’t come to the party. Just let us know if you need anything. Regards, Ben.
Dear Mr BB, Over in Australia our government is in control of some very VERY expensive dirt. We have red dirt which we pack and send to other countries, who value add. We have dirt which we put houses and instant lawn on, which is also very expensive indeed. My Treasurer says that the recent GDP figures are stunning, but one of my advisers said that interest rates wouldn’t go down any further as a result. Isn’t this a BAD thing? I don’t get this whole bonds and yields crap. Also, can’t we just print more money and have a nice surplus? Wayne said no, but I know there is a printing press around here somewhere. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.
Cheers, Jools.
Dear Jools, Your dirt is to be applauded for its inherent monetary values. I think digging it all up and taxing the proceeds is a wonderful longer-term strategy. It would be nice to also have some valuable dirt of our own. The reason for your high interest rates and GDP figures, as well as your poor polling at the moment, indeed virtually every problem your government has, is that your printing press is not working. Try switching it off, then back on again.
If you do get the printing press working, I wouldn’t worry too much about a surplus. Just spend it all on military hardware like we do. That way, you don’t have a lot to show for it, but you do convert the masses into a population of extremists that think God is on their side and everyone else is a terrorist. The xenophobia works wonders for morale in the bad times. Just look at how happy everyone was when we demolished those eyesores in NY. The fear campaign around the boats is a good start though. Keep at it. Buy some submarines, you can never have enough submarines.
Regards, Ben.
Hi Ben, Thanks for that. Wayne said we did get some submarines, but he doesn’t know where they are. Jools.
Dear Mr B, You are headed into a deflationary spiral. See my blog post for more details.
Regards, Colin Twiggs.
Dear Mr Twiggs, My advisors tell me that it is the free-thinkers like you that ruin the economy for everyone else. Deflation is very very bad. That is why our campaign to inflate the economy is so important. We have been inflating the economy for a few years now with no signs of running out of puff. We are thinking of calling our next one “Operation Helium”. Get it? Hee hee. Regards, Ben.
Dear Ben, Over here in Euro-land we have an economy to dream about. Our interest rates are very high – at 1%, compared to your own rates, and the UK, and Japan, we are positively sky high. Those Antipodean southern hemisphere countries don’t count of course. High interest rates are a sign of thriving economies, remember. I was thinking we might go to 1.25% soon. What do you think about that then?
Also, I hear there is some great seaside real estate coming on to the market soon. Great olives, some nice old buildings. Not many people, they are all going to Australia. No rush, it should be available for a few years to come yet.
Anyway, the real reason I am writing is to ask for some advice on containing financial contagion. I fear that someone will eventually catch on to this whole debasement of fiat currency thing, and there’ll be a bit of a backlash. We could let countries off the hook with their bills, but then everyone would do it. But if we give everyone more cash, isn’t that bad too? Thanks in advance, Mario.
Dear Mario, Your interest rates are indeed very high at 1%. Your economy is therefore in good financial shape. Nice work. But regardless of your financial position there can never be too much money. Give everyone some more cash, and everyone will be happy. That way, you will be remembered forever more as the person who saved the world from the global financial crisis. You might even get a bonus. Make sure you take it in the shiny stuff though.
PS, I am about to talk to the politicians again later this week. Should make for some fun times. I’ve changed some words in my speech, so the newswires will pounce on it and say QE is off the cards for the moment. Hee hee, never thought we would get it at $1600 again. Be strong, go long. Ben.
