But surely an off-market transfer would be the way to go. You would need to find someone to agree to sign the form to complete the transfer, but in all seriousness that wouldn't be too hard if you are prepared to look hard enough.
It might sound callous, but this would actually work: Find an unfortunate homeless person in your nearest large city. Offer them a fist full of cash to sign the form. Make sure the form is all correct, and that is specifies these are stapled securities with $2 to pay. If you felt the need you might even choose to explain the liability issue before getting them to sign. If the first one you try doesn't agree then offer more cash or move on and try another.
The homeless person would benefit from getting your cash, and with no assets to lose wouldn't have anything to fear from a visit by the company debt collectors.
BCS Price at posting:
0.0¢ Sentiment: None Disclosure: Not Held