I named my 2 dogs Rolex and Timex.
They are my watch dogs.
What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena?
I have no idea, but if it starts to laugh, I'm joining in.
Why is a noisy yappy dog like a tree?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you have if you breed a cocker spaniel with a poodle and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlepoo!
Why do dogs make terrible dancers?
Because most of them have 2 left feet.
What is the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
Well, one of them wags his tail and the other tags his whales.
What did the Dalmatian say after he ate his yummy dog dinner?
MMM, that hit the spots.
What kind of dog is the quietest sleeper of all?
A hush puppy.
What do you call a magical dog?
A labra-cadabra-dor.
What do you call a dog that was born with no legs?
It really doesn't matter, he ain't coming.
Paddy is extremely upset when his dog runs away.His wife says to him "Paddy, why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
Paddy thinks that this is a great idea so he proceeds to do so.
Paddy hasn't heard anything back from the ad in weeks when his wife asks him "What did you you put in the ad for our missing dog Paddy?"
Paddy replies "here boy."
I used a spot remover on my dog.....
He disappeared.
Where abouts should you never ever take a dog shopping?
A flea market
What did the first flea say to the second flea?
Should we walk or just take the dog?
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard
Husband: It is raining cats and dogs now
Wife: That is ok, so long as it doesn't reindeer.
Did you hear about the dog who was fined for delivering puppies on the side of the road?
She was given a ticket for littering
I bought a dog from a blacksmith, when I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
How can you be sure that you have a slow dog?
It chases parked cars.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
A man walks into his local vet and says "My dog Rover is cross-eyed, is there any way in which you can help him?"
"Hmm, let me take a look at him" says the vet as he picks up Rover.
Whilst holding the dog, the vet checks Rovers paws, eyes, teeth and tail until finally the vet says "I think I am going to have to put Rover down".
The man is shocked is shocked and says "Really? Just because he is cross-eyed?"
The vet then replies "No, because he is too heavy to hold any longer".
Why is the Redwood Tree most dogs favourite kind of tree?
Because it has the biggest bark.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a phone?
A golden receiverBruno the dog was watching a movie. Why did the movie keep stopping and starting?
Because he couldn't resist pressing the paws button.
Why do dogs really like sandpaper?
Because it is extremely ruff.
What did the dalmation have to say after he ate his dog biscuits?
Ah, that really hit the spots.
What did the man get who tried to cross breed a computer with a dog?
Too many bites too handle
Man: Our dog is such a good, clever boy dear. He brings in a newspaper everyday
Wife: I guess that is pretty clever
Man: Yes, especially when we have never signed up or bought a subscription to any.
I may have to get my dog’s tail removed unfortunately.
My mother in law arrives next month and I plan on getting rid of anything that gives her any idea that she is welcome.
Why did the mother flea feel so depressed.
Because all her kids were going the dogs.
I can't take my dog down to the local pond anymore., because the ducks keep attacking him.
It is my fault for choosing a dog that is a pure bread.le.
Why are dogs unable to get an MRI scan?
Because only CAT scan.
Which dog loves having his hair washed in the bath?
A shampoodoodle
How many hairs are in a dog's tail?
None, They are all on the outside.
What kind of dog keeps talking about his problems?
A complaint Bernard.
What is the most boring type of dog.
A dullmation
A large number of dogs escaped the SPCA today.
Police are looking for leads.
Every single day I have a German Shepherd come and take a dump on my lawn in the morning.
Today he even brought his dog with him!
What do you call a dog that is in a submarine?
A sub woofer.
Why can't you tell knock knock jokes to a dog?
Knock knock
dog: "grrrr, woof, woof, bark, bark, bark"
How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello?
Konichihuahua
Man 1: "My dog has no nose"
Man2: "How does he smell?"
Man 1: "Awful"
