the law was written as it was to protect women who were home makers from being left with sfa which had been the case. So when the female is the sole income earner it works in reverse. The assumption of course was that without the homemaker role the male could not earn the income. So the reverse applies and assumptions are made - even if in either case that assumption is deeply flawed. But you have to accept it - like it or not
as to abuse a Kennon claim is difficult to win - a couple of years ago there were only 45 such successful claims from the time the principle was first established in 1997. A family law review shows clearly that because there is still a discretionary element in any judgment and more so in Kennon claims the process isn’t necessarily felt fair and may not represent either parties views of the facts
but some facts don’t lie. Tax records for a start. Assets at the start of a relationship. Length of the relationship. Other things can be fudged. I experienced someone standing under oath and making a bald faced lie. I also understood why my partner recorded some conversations and not others and why he sent some emails and not others - usually when he had abused, manipulated or sometimes strangled me to get submission. there nothing pleasant about being told they were careful not to leave a mark when they strangled you (after a first time when my face and body were badly marked)
of course my partner has a different view of things but given that he frequently said I don’t do gardens, I don’t do housework, didn’t work at paid employment, “borrowed” money and didn’t give it back and gambled and I’d come back home to cook and if necessary to clean and garden after being away at work my memory is clearly different from his
no doubt he’d see me as difficult because I did always capitulate at tte start. Eventually though capitulation and silence were easier and less emotionally and physically painful.
I know from the last few years that he is a nasty, self satisfied, bitter know all. I also know my story is not so very unusual. Just different situations and facts
and yes I know some men really are ripped off. I have tried to help male friends since then in that situation.
All one can do though is try to rebuild one’s life. To restore the soul that was unpicked, the self that was lost and to the best of one’s ability (harder as one gets older) to rebuild finances. That’s harder for me as I don’t have the stamina to be the high income earner I was but I do make a difference to the community of which I am part and I am grateful to the support of many good and loving friends / including some who are his friends but told me that when they looked back at his behaviour - even well before he met me - they were not surprised to hear he had been violent. His treatment of previous partners was not particularly respectful either.
so whatever the thinks I can only learn from the experience, keep my stress levels low so I don’t fall to pieces and get on with living and being kind and decent as best I can.
what else can we do?
and to the more general topic - so both parties can be or feel ripped off.
