(We are in need of some serious frivolity gang......) Dr. Col:...

(We are in need of some serious frivolity gang......)

Dr. Col: “OK….given DS sneaked out the back-door last week, we have an opening….and have already received some applications…”

Senator: “Did we have any idea that DS was moving on?”

Dr.Col: “Well, in retrospect yes, it was pretty obvious…Nurse tells me he was increasingly playing with boats and ships in his Jacuzzi and was heard to scream out “I’m the new admiral”…..and “show me the money”….apparently he was also heard screaming out something about “Nickel is for losers”….I suppose the fact he started wearing a Boat Captains hat - just like the skipper from Gilligans Island - should have raised alarm bells....

Senator: “Well, he’s been in here for a while now, do you think he will be missed”

Dr. Col: “You’re kidding right?…..the evening he left the whole Aaarrrk crew had a party that was bigger than New Years Eve on Sydney harbor! The only one who wasn’t particularly happy was TB….TB went to the party in his Buzz Lightyear costume to pay respect to DS….was overheard as saying DS leaving was an extremely smart and visionary "Plan V"....that when the multiple world wars erupts as TB predicts, DS is going to need massive amounts of nickel to build all the naval vessels to supply all the global forces and the "Aaark" will rise from the ashes....TB still thinks DS is the greatest…

Senator: “The “greatest” what?

Dr. Col: “Yes, exactly”

Dr. Col: Ah, excellent, our resident HR specialist Value Hunter is here to discuss the applications we have received”

Value: “Yes, good afternoon gentlemen and we have some very interesting documentation here….at this time, we have received 5 applications for DS’ replacement including use of his luxury cell, i mean, suite….I will summarise quickly and we can meet in the board room later to go through any questions and details…

a) the first one appears to be from a cleaner named Fredy from Lyon in France who claims his specialty skills are eaves-dropping, spreading rumors, raising hopes and loitering in Corporate premises after hours”…..he didn’t return my calls;
b) the second application is from Caitlyn Jenner from Malibu, California….Caitlyn claims to be able to “transform” anything in a politically correct way whilst looking fabulous….Caitlyn’s specialist skills are social media, decathalons and hormones….
c) Our third application came in from a Nick Abboud, who was most recently with Dick Smith…he states his skills as enjoying surprises, voluntary administrations and shopping online. He claims to know DS and curiously, said that given that DS was such a knob, he thought he would look spectacularly successful by comparison….
d) Our fourth application is an interesting one….as expected TB has put his hand up…but, his application was so convoluted, so disconnected, so "out-there", I have had to dismiss it….it was also 145 pages long and i haven't finished reading it yet....but to be fair and consistent, he listed his skills as a) investment genius, b) metallurgical genius, c) the alphabet, d) patience and e) never, ever being wrong....also said he was prepared to sit in DS’ old room for another 7 to 10 years…
e) The fifth application came in from Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman, a Mexican resident looking to quickly relocate to Western Australia….he listed his skills as a) underground tunnelling, b) hide and seek and c) flirting with danger……

Senator: “What is the process from here Value?”

Value: “Well, I think we should have Caitlyn Jenner, Nick Abboud and El Chapo come in and do some group exercises to assess each of their suitability to assume DS’ old role….

Dr. Col: “How does each of them propose to fund future plans?”

Value Hunter: “ Fredy didn’t respond to that question, Jenner claims to have substantial family money, Abboud has a $50k limit on an AMEX card, TB is happy to sit and wait for up to 10 years and not spend anything and El Chapo just laughed at me when I asked him that question…

Dr. Col: “You spoke to El Chapo in Mexico?”

Value: “Yes, Sean Penn gave me his number”

Dr. Col: “OK, this is all getting very serious now….the folks over at the Mirabela Institute are starting to laugh at us…we need to fill the vacancy with a credible, proven player….

Senator: “Don’t worry Dr.Col, everything will be alright….

Dr. Col: “We are staring to smell worse than those damn animals TB left decomposing on his Ark last year”

Senator: “Did DS say goodbye to anyone Dr?"

Dr. Col: "No, the only person he spoke to apparently was the teller down at his "Happy Place"….gave the teller new account details for direct credits from his new Institution….