OK Value Hunter....a quick one for you.....
DS: “OK, I’ve been hiding away in this bloody institution for almost 12 months now….the strategy was I would lie low and we’d smoke AF out by doing absolutely nothing – there was no way he would just sit back and watch us torch his 19% shareholding….so, Mr. Chairman, what can you report? How much has he offered?.... $8m?....no, $10m?….$15m?
Chairman: “Uhhm, DS, couple of things mate….one, we admitted you here for legitimate psychological reasons and secondly, AF hasn’t contacted us for months…
DS: “Look, I’m the best damn CEO in Australian Corporate History….just ask Tomboy down the hall here…I earn $800k per year for doing nothing! ……Imagine what I’m worth if I actually did something!! The shareholders love me – they’ve sat there and watched me do nothing for 8 years….i'm a goddamn genius…Mr. Chairman, watch this…..
Chairman: “What the hell are you doing DS?”
DS: “I’m staring and pointing into the distance…watch again….look how serious I look…..
Chairman: “DS….the reason I’m here is simply because we haven’t figured out how to tell the market you’ve been here in the Institution for 12 months….and the AGM is coming up and we need to wheel you out and get you to read through a dozen slides….do you think you can do that again?
DS: “Whats it pay?”
Chairman: “Whats it pay? You greedy SOB! …..What do you want?
DS: “I want 22.5% loading on my pay for being on forced care and maintenance leave”
Chairman: “Holy sheet DS….you just take, take, take….don’t you?
DS: “And I want to make sure Tomboy gets a good seat at the AGM and asks me all those predictable, stupid, soft questions again…you better make sure nobody asks me about diamonds or anything like that”
Chairman: “Diamonds?”
DS: ‘Yes, those shiny stones we get out of those pissant mines we bought from the Russians…
Chairman: “We want to mine Nickel you moron…we are wanting to be Australia’s new nickel!”
DS: “Sheet…nickel – good luck with that!
Chairman: “OK, you’ll get your leave loading but it will have to be in shares – we haven’t got any cash to pay for anything right now …..
DS: “Shares….ok, I’ll take my leave loading in ANZ shares….thanks , Chairman!”
Chairman: “ANZ shares….holy sheet DS, you have lost it….you have to take POS shares”
DS: “POS?....where have I seen that before. Oh yes, on the letterhead of my weekly paycheck….i like POS….what is it a Point of Sale Company of some sort?
Chairman: “Dr.Col!!....Dr. Coll!!
Dr. Coll: “Settle down Chairman…we’ve got him under control”
Chairman: “Look, we need him absolutely under control by the AGM date – November 26th….
Dr. Coll: “Well, we can’t promise anything but we’ll do our best….do you have the slides and cheat sheets you want him to learn?
Chairman: Absolutely….and were confident no more than 5 or 6 genuine shareholders will turn up anyway…the usual company hacks will fill the room and immediately jump on any genuine shareholders who want to ask a sensible and logical question….
Dr. Coll: “Like, where are you going to get the money to deliver your grand plans?”
Chairman: “Sheet, I just got chills Dr…don’t ask me those sorts of things….my sphincter just shut so tight it could have cut a cigar….”
Dr. Coll: “Yes, sorry Chairman…so, you don’t want any questions around capital raisings, current cash position, inability to deliver on any targets, management salaries, CEO incompetence, why every geological component has something to do with a Duck…..
Chairman: “Exactly!...Perfect!....let’s keep it focused on the pictures of shiny mining equipment and smart looking dudes in hardhats and I know….you must get Tomboy to ask us about our DICE initiative….took us all afternoon at the Club to come up with that one….
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