Grab a chart (any chart will do) with lots of ups and downs draw...

Grab a chart (any chart will do) with lots of ups and downs draw a few trend lines (as many as possible) as will fit but importantly, draw handwritten squiggly line with arrow on it on the rhs pointing downwards (preferable dramatically). Make sure that the conclusions are completely incomprehensible whilst quoting the Fed, China, Greece, Bond Markets, Interest rates whatever takes your fancy.
At the end, insert "studious' sounding quote of a dubious nature (preferably biblical in origin) for credibility and to show years of apparent wisdom and experience.
Most important rule though is to never repeat (in your following posts) your most ridiculous and thoroughly disproved predictions to date. The ones that if you had a shred of decency and humility you would almost feel obliged to offer recompense to the innocents who believed your bullshit.
Or maybe at the front offer a wealth warning - anyone who followed my advice to the letter in the past will by now be broke. But here are a few interesting observations which I feel will come to pass (insert some more vague impending crash scenarios with indeterminate timelines).
Disallowed salesmen and charlatans - how do they sleep at night.....