Ok, I'll start:
Q. What did the ASX investors say to the wall paint?
A. "No, don't wait. You go ahead and dry. We may be here a while"
Q. What have Valentines Day and spec investors got in common?
A. Feb 14th was probably the last time they both saw any action.
Q. What's the difference between speculative investment money and a snail?
A. One is so painfully slow if you weren't watching closely you'd swear it had completely stopped. The other is a small garden animal.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Well, everything else seemed to be trending sideways, so it thought it'd join the movement?
Q. What's the difference between a market bear and Donald Trump?
A. One is all consuming, a little scary, unpredictable and better not to be mesmerised by the hair. The other is an orange man who runs America.
Sorry. Just bored.
Anyone else got any others?
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