Dear Tau, this is all going over my head a bit. I have spent so much of my life stressed and in fear, I only got this all out when I had a few sessions with a psych.
I am not looking for pity, because it is far too late now. But he said when my Mum dumped us outside my grandparents house, where my dad was staying when I think I was 7 and my brother was 5, and drove off when we were sobbing and pleading her her to stay, is when I first developed PTSD. Well whatever it is/was, I am sick of living in fear.
I am struggling a lot just now, but don’t really want to talk about it.
My Mum will be 93 in 2 weeks and I feel so very old just now.
I don’t want to be a misery, but I cannot see myself living to make old bones.
Every day is a bloody challenge. I am scared of everything.
I often think, as my dear sister in law said a couple of years ago, that I would welcome the peace of death.
With love from misery guts.
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