@wotsup deary-me - wrong thread - this is a non-controversial, non-religious thread.
I returned a post to your sensible and sober thread about your life, because I felt I could relate, having had a husband with similar training, probably similar poverty in childhood, similar good working habits.
Please, please, go to the Religion & Philosophy thread, or talk to the priest or senior men in your church about it. Have a great Sunday - May your god be with you Taurisk