I'm happy to be held hostage to their outrageous demands, Justis .
"Do what you will with me, Madam, for I'm so accustom to the heartless brutality of your wanton desires that I have become the cobra subject your accursed mongoosian assault. Conditional upon receipt of "edible" pie, of course . But until that day arrives (pie) I shall remain your lord and master. Now go, bathe, anoint yourself with exotic oils and await my coming!"