I’ve been contemplating responding to this - on and off (I’ve...

  1. 16,593 Posts.
    lightbulb Created with Sketch. 325
    I’ve been contemplating responding to this - on and off (I’ve only just seen it so you’ve been spared my response for a while). I’ve been trying to think of how to respond without sounding like a prat and there probably isn’t any way. So here goes

    whatever my ex might think, everyone of those behaviours could be roundly attributed to him. I’d add to that being a lazy prat and expecting a woman to be a slave.

    however I’ll try to put some historical perspective in case you think that the problem lies with women

    here’s an image of the reasons why women were incarcerated in insane asylums.
    https://hotcopper.com.au/data/attachments/2270/2270052-955929b35b415574edb36e293b9a2a8d.jpg
    https://hotcopper.com.au/data/attachments/2270/2270055-4bffd02ffbc835bccbf3a86e76192dde.jpg


    this might be a little dated but the practice of men deciding what was annoying and crazy behaviour exists still. Until the late 1950s men could have their wives committed to an institution- just on their say so. It was much cheaper and easier than a divorce. Where necessary doctors colluded.

    these attitudes are passed down from one generation to the next and they shape relationships, even if just subconsciously.

    think about the comment on power battles. It takes two for that to occur. It’s the cause that is of more interest and far more telling.

    I have a suspicion that men may think they are trying to keep women happy on occasions but in doing so take over so that women lose any sense of control over themselves. Control of men is often not the point at all. (And that includes the thorny topic of housework which is a whole other topic on which I could expound. Men expect self determination. Whether women get it depends a lot on whether the man allows it. You can say the same in reverse of course but men’s views of women are far more public (until recently and even then it’s constrained)

    what do you think would happen if I posted some of the foul misogynistic jokes on hotcopper but about men. Apart from the fact that I don’t ACTUALLY feel like that about men in general I don’t think I’d feel safe. Those jokes often aren’t funny but women are meant to suck them up or collude.

    Both men and women can be Dysfunctional. Most people (I’m guessing) want relationships to work but to do that you’ve either got to make better choices or you’ve got to learn the art of the dance.

    I've made two interesting choices. My first who I was with for 32 years has now been diagnosed with Aspergers (makes sense given so much of what everyone experienced of him and my son has Aspergers - maybe both sons). He was emotionally crippled and always was. I just thought you could help if you loved them. You can’t. I then chose someone who seemed the opposite - he could talk and seemed to connect. But he was a mean and selfish sob. Three prior comparatively short relationships should have been the warning but I was desperate for connection.

    So I got what I got. I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not ashamed of the thinking that led me there because I understand it. It doesn’t make me write men off. It doesn’t make me generalise. It doesn’t make stop me thinking that maybe out there is a man where a real connection is possible. But I ain’t hunting. If I were I wouldn’t even dare contemplate the things I’ve written because where men are concerned sometimes silence (and suppression) is golden - it’s just those behaviours get you into a whole lot of trouble.

    anyway I’m sorry that your experience with women has been so mystifying and frustrating for you. Be sure you are not alone - many men and women will say the same.


 
arrow-down-2 Created with Sketch. arrow-down-2 Created with Sketch.