@Joanniethe other comment I was going to make was to try to...

@Joannie
the other comment I was going to make was to try to explain what happens when we try to change the way things have been. Forgive me If I sound a bit technical but I hope it helps

essentially life and relationships are a type of dance. We move and they respond and vice versa. That becomes a pattern. What we have each done is reinforce the other’s behaviour. we each get a pay off even if we don’t like it or don’t think so

it sounds silly but if you have low self esteem and feel guilt your daughter is actually reinforcing those feelings and you respond in a way that makes her feel justified and you feel worse. So the dance keeps going

if you decide to change the dance by responding differently she is likely to keep trying to use the old dance steps. You have a choice- stick with your new dance or fall back to hers. If you stick with yours she is likely to try harder to make the dance hers. If you capitulate and return to her dance you will have reinforced her behaviour and given her the message that next time she just has to try harder and keep it up longer and you will give in again

so if you embark on this new strong and determined you, who will no longer tolerate her bullying and blaming you for her life, you must stick with it no matter how hard. Come here for help. Remember that you are kind and have carried a burden for years that you no longer need to carry

we are all here to help you. Choose what you share and what you don’t but most of all simply tell us you need support. I think you will find people will reach out to you and hold your hands even if it is in a virtual world.