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I was canoeing down a river and going in to berth for the night....

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TubbyH

360 Posts.

26/08/14

09:13

Post #: 13870865
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Originally posted by farmerblue ↑

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the ‘60s group The Monkees. I thought she was joking… and then I saw her face.

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of redhead matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk... Unfortunately, I had forgotten to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, the ungrateful bastards. All I said was, “Hurry up, for Christ’s sake, some of us have got homes to go to!”

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen, “What do you feel like for dinner, my love, chicken, beef or lamb?”
I said, ‘Chicken, please.”
She replied, “You’re having soup, you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!”

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I was canoeing down a river and going in to berth for the night. A woman on the bank said something like "Don't go in there" I replied I should be OK. In a voice that would strip paint she said "I'm talking to the dog" I said sorry my mistake I used to be married.
Hubby laughed but probably wished he didn't.
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