A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of
makes you proud.
__________________________ A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a
heart attack!
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 999 on his mobile, talks for a few minutes, picks up his
putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here, and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the
second hole, and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him
play through."
___________________________ A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is
synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the
course. What's your secret?"
Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
___________________________ Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody3-iron
standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her
hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?""I don't know -- put me down for a five."
___________________________ A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his
ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could
hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing.
The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead, and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good
golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?
___________________________
The bride was escorted down the aisle.
When she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag
and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
