Getting near to retirement and not much money in the bank I...

Getting near to retirement and not much money in the bank I thought I really only had two choices if I wanted to set myself up comfortably. I could either do something illegal or take a big gamble. Not having the guts to follow through with the first option I went with the second. Into FMS big time, even paid up on the options as I wanted Big Kev to have enough funds. And now.........AAAARRRRGGGHHHH.
Had I gone with the illegal option the worst that could have happened is that I would have ended up with cheap accommodation, three free meals a day and probably a bit of fun in the shower each night. Come to think of it maybe that is the way to go even now. Can anybody lend me a balaclava and a shotgun??????