Oh well half time in the footy,,,, some seal sick and pathetic stufff,
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My first day back at the gym today went well. I did 20 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes on the defibrillator and then 3 days in the hospital.
I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words. “Are you holding that ladder properly?”
You know you’re getting old when the hairs on your ears are longer than the ones on your head.
How do you know when your date is going badly?
You accidentally spike your own drink with rohypnol.
If you want a promotion walk into your office and shout “Vodka, tequila, sambuca!” at the top of your voice.
This will make you the person who calls the shots.
A recent scientific study has found pregnant women who use vibrators are 90% more likely to have a child who stutters.
My friend said “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” So, I threw a dictionary at his face.
I hate Windows… Just tried to set my password to “mydick” but apparently it’s too short.
Before I die I’m gonna swallow a whole bag of popcorn kernels.
My cremation is gonna be epic.
