From the currency lad, the best election round up yet Gary Morgan believed to be in Majorca • Phillip Adams, Alan Ramsey, Margo Kingston declare intent to move to Canada • Newspaper subs really annoyed about having to shelve 'Howard's End' headline • Kim Beazley begins new health kick • Obsessive psephologist Antony Green cries "Eden Monero!" during sex with wife • WWF approaches Amanda Vanstone about 'Tally-Room Smackdown' series • Mark Latham throws lucky rock through window • Channel Nine graphics judged worst in the history of graphics • Family First leader wants Gideons to take control of Parliamentary library • Andrew Wilkie grumpier than ever • Kerry O'Brien continues to demand interviewees acknowledge Mark Latham's great campaign • Coalition to publish book entitled '37 Losses of the ALP - and Counting' • Professor Bunyip polishes off entire Grange collection • 'Rock Against Howard' musician perplexed by failure of Hip Hop song to change course of history • Hip Hop artist writes song largely concerned with Hip Hop songsOVERSEAS REACTION: "They voted for Labor before they didn't" - John Kerry • "What the #%*&*%$ do I care you @#%#&%*# tosser?!" - Sir Elton John • "Al d'ohhh!" - Osama bin Laden • "His work on 'Neighbours' has inspired the world" - Her Majesty the Queen • "It would be ludicrous to see any mandate in this victory" - Kofi AnnanBACK HOME: Tony Abbott believes victory the result of large Abbot sympathy vote • Gough - "Now I really like the boy" • Alan Ramsey criticises John Howard • Antony Loewenstein says government likely to begin work on concentration camps any day • Election trauma counsellors at Sydney Morning Herald receiving trauma counselling • John Howard brushes up on core/non-core calculus • Merlin threatens to move back to Germany, still awaiting 'don't go' pleas from fans • King's School re-books Roulettes for graduation ceremony fly-by • Parliamentary protocol officer says he wants a word with Peter Garrett • Malcolm Turnbull asks PM if he can rent the Lodge • PM offers Senator George Brandis ambassadorship to Sierra Leone • 'Doctor's Wives' take the pain away with purchase of new Beamers • Family First says only 'The Sullivans' should screen on ABC • Bob Hawke forced to throw out engraved 'Second Longest Serving PM' trinkets • Randwick 'Rats' win Saturday's NSW Rugby Union Grand Final - really • Jenny Macklin sneakily returns pancreatitus book to Parliamentary library • Mark Latham asks for that fruit platter back • Cock-a-doodle doos again heard outside office of Wayne Swann and certain ALP plotters • Julian Nimio observes: "The Australia I descended upon is now in the lap of the deepest ocean since former San Franciscan Mayor Hughie Long" • The Australian's Phillip Adams converts to Catholicism • Black T-shirted Tally Room roadies still hitting the booze • Say what you like about her politics, Natasha Stott-Despoja is a babe • Kevin Rudd still missing • Grandson of Billy McMahon says Howard government the "worst ever" • Mark Latham puts eyeballing stunt down to little known Eskimo heritage • Christopher Skase's old wheelchair and oxygen tank purchased by Gary Morgan • Bob Brown claims he'll have the 'balance of long-winded speechifying' in the Senate • Bronwyn Bishop still removing make-up after Tally Room's big night • so is Kerry O'Brien • Richard Neville claims election was rigged by Oliver North and Area 51 boffins
