1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of used size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front verandah, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Johnny,
Pete, Slim and I, went into town for more ammo and beer. Be back in about an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the postman this morning and messed him up bad.
I don't think Brutus took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Will be back soon.
Jed
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