insider trading

>NEW YORK-Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street
>wiz on insider-trading charges-and incredibly, he claims to be a
>time-traveler from the year 2256!
>
>Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old
>Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success
>in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.
>
>"We don't believe this guy's story-he's either a lunatic or a
>pathological liar," says an SEC insider.
>
>"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks'
>time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made
>capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be
>pure luck.
>
>"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information.
>He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to
>give up his sources."
>
>The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying
>in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades
>and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall
>Street watchdogs.
>
>"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough
>that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in
>advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing
>investigation..
>
>When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more
>than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.
>
>Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years
>in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one
>of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge
>of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a
>fortune.
>
>"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his
>videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know,
>lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just
>got caught in the moment."
>
>In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge
>"historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure
>for AIDS.
>
>All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time
>craft."
>
>However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how
>it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the
>wrong hands."
>
>Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus.
>Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew
>Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."
>
>Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep
>watching for further developments.