Russia vs. Irish
Putin is sittingin his office when his telephone rings "Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavilyaccented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare,Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well,Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big isyour army?"
"Rightnow," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is me self, meCousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from thepub. That makes eight!"
Putin paused."I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting tomove on my command."
"Begoora!"says Paddy. "I'll have to ring ya back.
Sure enough, thenext day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We havemanaged to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And whatequipment would that be Paddy?" Putin asks.
"Well, wehave two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Putin sighsamused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoredpersonnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we lastspoke"
"Saintspreserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to ya."
Sure enough,Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We havemanaged to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin'sultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from theShamrock Bar have joined us as well."
Putin was silentfor a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that Ihave 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded bylaser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I haveincreased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus,Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring yaback."
Sure enough,Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Putin! I am sorryto inform ya that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? Iam sorry to hear that," says Putin. "Why the sudden change ofheart?"
"Well,"says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and finallydecided there's no way we can feed 200,000 Russian prisoners."
