This real good sort looked at my beer belly and sarcastically said, "Is that
VB or Hahn?"
I said, " There's a tap underneath, taste it".
***
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day
a woman was born just by feeling their tits, "Really" she said.
"Go on then...try"
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "yesterday".
***
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut,
you'd look alright."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."
***
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table,
I said to her, "Nice legs".
The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so ".
I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now".
***
"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
***
Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me that loud I nearly fell in.
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