Dear People of Australia , Due to the current financial...

Dear People of Australia ,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy,

your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years

of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as

RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible for

the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the

SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may

be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the

government deems appropriate.

Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for

Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel

Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not

be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government..

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much

SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has

always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that

you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your

local MP. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Yours Sincerely

Julia Gillard