From the depths of the crypt at St. Giles Came a scream that echoed for miles. Said the Vicar: "Good gracious! Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"
There was a young lady called Harris, That nothing could ever embarrass; Till the bath-salts one day In the tub where she lay Turned out to be plaster of Paris
There once was a young man named Dave Who kept a dead whor in a cave. He said, "What the hell, You get used to the smell, And think of the money I save!"
There once was a man named Matt Who was short, bald, ugly, and fat. I'm willing to bet, The only pussy he gets Is when he goes home to his cat
There was a young girl from France Who got on a train, by chance. The engineer fu*ked her, As did the conductor, And the brakeman came in his pants.
There was a young lady of Twickenham Who thought men had not enough pr*ck in 'em. On her knees every day To God she would pray To lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em.
A flea and a fly in a flue Were caught, so what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee." "Let us fly," said the flea. So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
There was a lady who triplets begat Nat, Pat and Tat It was fun breeding But trouble feeding Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat.
There once was a pirate (the story relates) who liked to go dancing on roller skates. He fell on his cutlass which rendered him nut less and virtually useless on dates.
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose d*ck was so long he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were a c#%+ I would f@#* it!"
There once was an old man of Esser, Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser, It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And now he's a college professor.
A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud Who was frightened and screamed very loud Then a happy thought hit her To scare off the critter She sat up in bed and just meowed
There was a young lady from Niger, Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. After the ride She was inside, And the smile was on the face of the tiger
There once was a guy named Matt Who had an overly large cat When it chased a mouse It shook the whole house So Matt got rid of the cat.
An epicure dining at Crewe Found a very large bug in his stew. Said the waiter, "Don't shout And wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one too."
A gentleman Katey knew slightly Persisted in e-mailing nightly To ask her if she Would ever be free To come round and tie him up tightly.
On the breasts of a barmaid at Yale Are tattooed all the prices of ale, And on her behind For the sake of the blind Are the same, but they're written in Braille.
In an earthquake, the best thing to do Is to set about having a screw: When you're done, you can say In a nonchalant way, "May I ask, did the earth move for you?"
