• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f--- off and leave me alone. �� The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. �� The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it. • S#x is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any. �� Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. �� Remember, no-one is listening until you fart. �� Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else. �� Never test the depth of the water with both feet. �� If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments �� Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. �� If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving. �� Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. �� Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it. �� If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. �� Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen. �� Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. �� Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment. �� The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. �� A closed mouth gathers no feet. �� There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works. �� Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving. �� Never miss a good chance to shut up. �� Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. �� When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse �� The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed. Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
