The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided >> to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy >> father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, >> I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by >> chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, >> hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' >> 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been >> expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's >> good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband >> and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. After a moment she >> asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I >> usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on >> the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really >> spread out there.' 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work >> out for Harry and me!' 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one >> every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from >> six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 'My, >> that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has >> to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure >> you'd be disappointed with that.' 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith >> quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio >> of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, >> my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 'And these twins >> turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so >> difficult to work with.' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 'Yes, I'm >> afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done >> right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look' >> 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. >> 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The >> mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, >> and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the >> squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' >> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, >> uh...equipment?' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll >> set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, >> Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to >> be held in the hand very long.' Mrs. Smith fainted
