For all of you who are having trouble with the stock market these days, here is a little something to help you put things in perspective.
Bull Market -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
Momentum Investing -- The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Broker -- What my broker has made me.
Buy, buy -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
Standard & Poor -- Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-Eleven for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction -- The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Yahoo -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
Windows 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
Institutional Investor -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit -- Religious guy who talks to God
- Forums
- Humour
- market lingo
For all of you who are having trouble with the stock market...
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