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re: elderberry Perhaps appropriate on the BTA thread...It was...

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    re: elderberry Perhaps appropriate on the BTA thread...

    It was the french soldier, looking over the stone turret at the English Kaaaannnnnnnniggits...

    Scene 8

    [clop de de clop de de clop clop....clop]
    ARTHUR: Halt! Hallo! Hallo!

    GUARD: 'Allo! Who is zis?

    ARTHUR: It is King Arthur, and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Who's castle is this?

    GUARD: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard!

    ARTHUR: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

    GUARD: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very
    keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see?

    ARTHUR: What?

    GALAHAD: He says they've already got one!

    ARTHUR: Are you sure he's got one?

    GUARD: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a (I told him we already got one)

    ARTHUR: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?

    GUARD: Of course not! You are English types-a!

    ARTHUR: Well, what are you then?

    GUARD: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king!

    GALAHAD: What are you doing in England?

    GUARD: Mind your own business!

    ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!

    GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets. Thppppt!

    GALAHAD: What a strange person.

    ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man!

    GUARD: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

    GALAHAD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

    GUARD: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

    ARTHUR: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.

    GUARD: (Fetch-e la vache.) wha?

    GUARD: (Fetch-e la vache!)
    [moo!]

    ARTHUR: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--
    [twong]
    [mooooooo]

    Jesus Christ! Right! Charge!

    ALL: Charge!
    [mayhem]

    GUARD: Ah, this one is for your mother!
    [twong]

    ALL: Run away!

    GUARD: Thpppt!
    [ after running away...]

    LAUNCELOT: Fiends! I'll tear them apart!
    ARTHUR: No no, no.

    BEDEVERE: Sir! I have a plan, sir.
    [later]
    [chop]
    [rumble rumble squeak]

    MUTTERING GUARDS: ce labon a bunny do wha? un codoo? a present! oh, un codoo. oui oui hurry! wha-? let's go!
    [rumble rumble squeak]

    ARTHUR: What happens now?

    BEDEVERE: Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise -- not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!

    ARTHUR: Who leaps out?

    BEDEVERE: Uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I. Uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh and uh....

    ARTHUR: Oh....

    BEDEVERE: Oh.... Um, l-look, if we built this large wooden badger--
    [twong]

    ALL: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!
    [splat]

    GUARDS: Oh, haw haw haw.

    ---

    One of the best scenes ever in my opinion.

    Cheers!
 
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