I thought you weren’t going up respond. Anyhow. While I worked on a piece I reflected on the exchange and decided to have a go at approaching this a different way
why am I doing this / because I think you may intend well and because you are not stupid however misguided I think you are on this matter
so let’s start by understanding abuse by an intimate partner who had nothing - zilch, zip but hid that and watching them try to publicly own everything you worked for - house, cars. Garden, properties, superannuation and income and to do that slowly an inexorably through a range of emotional abuse techniques. Chutzpah and greed, and when encountering resistance to this public positioning and ownership grab use physical violence.
let’s follow up by understanding the possible impact of strangulation as the means of abuse. I’ll not go into them here but there is plenty written about the matter.
then to understand the impact of learning about past history and treatment of other women and his sense of entitlement to his own pleasure while listening to his anger outward turned objectification. To watching a man who drank more alcohol than you can imagine and became an insufferable know all and abusive in public presence.
I had trauma therapy to recover - and I am recovered. But I also swore I would not remain silent when I saw it.
so understanding that maybe you can understand why I react to abuse and dismissal of women. Whatever the cost.
while you have defended Brittany and grace and others you have not had the grace to try to understand why I raised the matter.
were you truly concerned about my mental health and emotionally balanced you might have done any of the following things:
express empathy (not sympathy -but step to my side )
seek understanding.
note the objectification if you truly did object to it as an unwelcome male behaviour
Ask questions about what is going on for me and why it mattered so much (though in that thread I had already told some of my story as I have in the past)
acknowledge that past experience can impact one’s sensitivity to a topic and may trigger certain reactions.
acknowledge that recovery from intimate partner violence can take time
while I am living a functional, productive life and my past does not define me it has inevitably shaped me. While i understand and can see those behaviours that might annoy a self satisfied and selfish man i am also well aware of others affection towards me and that I have no need to know everything. Be an expert on everything. And any need I had in a professional capacity because that’s how I earned a living does not exist on my daily life. I learned that morals matter, kindness matters. Understanding matters. And I learned much more
the reflection i am asking of you (but without expectation) is why you have taken such a different line to me on hotcopper when all I actually did to start with was ask why you didn’t call someone else out while you were professing your support for women. And why you turned on me so aggressively. Especially if you thought I was emotionally damaged or at risk.
