there is absolutely no doubt that collective good matters. It is, in a way, through hotcopper that I realise that the left wing right thing issue is in part the extent to which people place individual rights and tolerance over collective good.
I think you don’t have to put one ahead of the other but to do that you have to be prepared to compromise, look for common good, forgo narcissistic needs without losing oneself
however self sacrifice for a narcissist is a pointless exercise because they are a bottomless pit of desire
as to the sugar and spice - I did an art work last year using the nursery rhyme as a reference. The garments young women wore in Victorian days were indeed based on socialising women that way - ribbons and laces, ringlets and dresses that constrained. I learnt much about socialisation from understanding garments
