my wife left me.

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we
had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not
a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up, but
the other day, when she came home from shopping and I looked at the
receipt and saw $45 in makeup, I said, "Wait a minute. I've given up beer
and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she'll be back....