And that is the issue, whether you want to or not she is already...

And that is the issue, whether you want to or not she is already spending what she believes is her money. After she has spent hers she will come for more, including house etc and it will probably get nasty. If you are only 65 you still have a possible 20+ years of life you have to provide for, especially if you are self-funded. I know you don't want to spend money on lawyers but I don't see you have a choice. At the very least you need to access the records of how much super she had and how much she has already spent so when it comes time to divvy up assets there is some fairness. BTW i am not a lawyer, just someone who has friends who have gone through this crap