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The Future of Nursery Rhymes



Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won a grand with Claims Direct.



It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh shit, it's Global Warming.



Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.



Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

"What have u got there?"

Said the pie man unto Simon

Pies you dickhead.



Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse

and turned its wool to nylon.



Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

he kissed them too cause he was gay.



Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

And grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.






Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy.