- Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
- Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- Never answer an anonymous letter.
- It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
- I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
- Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
- I took an IQ test and the results came back negative.
- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
- My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
- Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
- I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
- I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
- Don't steal. The government hates competition.
- Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
- All generalizations are false.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
- I can handle pain until it hurts.
- If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
- Gravity always gets me down.
- It's bad luck to be superstitious.
- According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
- The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
- Honk if you like peace and quiet.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
- We are all part of the ultimate statistic -- ten out of ten die.
- The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
- Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
- If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
- I intend to live forever. So far so good.
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
- I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
- Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
- Evolution: True science fiction.
- What's another word for "thesaurus"?
- Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
- I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
- Forums
- Humour
- one liners
one liners
-
- There are more pages in this discussion • 5 more messages in this thread...
You’re viewing a single post only. To view the entire thread just sign in or Join Now (FREE)
Featured News
Featured News
The Watchlist
SBW
SHEKEL BRAINWEIGH LTD
Dani Nadri, Country Manager Australia
Dani Nadri
Country Manager Australia
SPONSORED BY The Market Online