A man decides to order a pizza and calls what he thinks is Pizza Hut...
CALLER:** Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE:** No sir, it's Google Pizza now.
CALLER:** I must’ve dialed the wrong number, sorry about that.
GOOGLE:** No need to apologize, sir. Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER:** Oh, okay. Well, I’d like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:** Would you like your usual, sir?
CALLER:** My usual? How do you know what I order?
GOOGLE:** According to our data, the last 12 times you called, you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms, and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:** Wow, you’ve got me pegged. Yep, I’ll take that.
GOOGLE:** May I suggest this time you try a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes, and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:** What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE:** Sir, we’ve noticed that your cholesterol levels are concerning.
CALLER:** How in the world do you know that?
GOOGLE:** Well, we cross-referenced your phone number with your medical records. We have your blood test results from the last seven years.
CALLER:** Okay, but I’m not interested in your healthy pizza. I’m already taking medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE:** According to our records, sir, you haven’t been taking your medication regularly. You only purchased a 30-day supply of cholesterol tablets from Lloyds Pharmacy four months ago.
CALLER:** I got more from another pharmacy!
GOOGLE:** That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:** I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:** But your bank withdrawals don’t indicate enough cash flow to cover that purchase.
CALLER:** I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:** Sir, those aren’t reflected in your latest tax returns unless you’re using undeclared income, which is illegal.
CALLER:** WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE:** I’m sorry, sir. We’re just trying to assist you.
CALLER:** I’ve had enough of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, and all the others. I’m moving to an island with no internet, no TV, and no one to watch me or spy on me!
