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John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit [Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is...

  1. 184 Posts.
    John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit [Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN]
    John: Morning! Looking for a new car?
    Bryan: Nope. New Prime Minister, actually.
    John: You're the third one this morning. Anything in mind?
    Bryan: You know....... nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B.
    John: You mean like a Howard?
    Bryan: Yeah....a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles.
    John: So.... you used to have one?
    Bryan: Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model - don't know why I got rid of him -- biggest mistake I've ever made.
    John: What happened?
    Bryan: Traded him in for a Kevin 07.
    John: Big mistake.
    Bryan: Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage.
    John: How was the Kevin 07?
    Bryan: Came with a $900 factory rebate - that was good.
    John: Anything else?
    Bryan: Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon.
    John: Didn't stick around for long did it?
    Bryan: Nah - had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again.
    John: What was the problem?
    Bryan: Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.
    John: Whatcha got now?
    Bryan: It's a Gillard-Brown.
    John: The hybrid?
    Bryan: Yeah. The Eco-drive system - not a good idea. An engine that can't deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse.
    John: Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason - that's the one?
    Bryan: The Fustercluck model.
    John: The only one they made, Bryan. Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery - but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?
    Bryan: Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere.
    John: So that's why you're here?
    Bryan: That's right. I'm stuck with a government that's wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don't suppose you've heard of the "Cash for Clunkers" scheme?
    John: Join the queue brother.
 
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