oxymorons , page-2

Seeing as this post Is VERY American centric I shall respond as an Australian...

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
yes

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Cos you are counting the wrong way

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

It would be TOU'd and then possibly moderated

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
he got them from the Oxford Dictionary... written well before the "first American Dictionary"

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
An appropriate smack to the head...
Now Get me a beer.

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Americans have a strange language.
MORE BEER!

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
tis a politically correct methodolgy for ensuring that the weight challenged equally get a fair go

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

because they are owned by [content moderated] as in to "have a tug"

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
because there is an inherent understanding that baseball is not really the real ball game, it is cricket

10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
because they were invented by a man called Stan

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
because the dark has happened and hence the analogy to the past, after light occurs after dawn

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

yes

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Like all things, Grasshopper, we must have balance.
hmmm I am getting tired of your incessant questions... let me have a beer to help it along

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
fair dinkum mate do you ever shut up? Okay try this..

Look and see are very differnt words... eg "Look, do you want a smack" and "See, I just gave you a smack"

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
Do you want a smack?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
under no circumstances is work terrific... where the heck do you get these ideas from?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
I cannot beleive the thickness of your skull sometimes, you yanks are bizzarre... the anology is saying that the audience is part of the act, .. so we're all part of the stage, the act.. ahh I give up

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

NEVER get love and sex confused... Burp... time for another beer

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

yes but some of the words will be left out

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

mmm Brassiere... got a pic to go with that question?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
squeezing the [content moderated] out of something that wont respond gives a certain satisfaction... Here, let me squeeze your head

Bahh that'll do I've had enough of your inane questions!


;)