The prophecy of St John, that the end of the world would be heralded by the coming of the Anti-Christ, was ironically fulfilled last Sunday when India and Pakistan unleashed nuclear war on each other, destroying all life on earth. The war was a result of a dispute between the two nations over possession of Kashmir, partitioned in 1947 because of Mahatma Gandhi.
"Ironically, the policies of non-violence adopted by Mahatma Gandhi have resulted in the destruction of all human life", said St John, whose Book of Revelations has remained an enduring favorite for two thousand years.
"Gandhi must therefore, ironically, be regarded as the Anti-Christ, ironically sent by God to oversee the opening of the seven seals. Its all very ironic".
Mahatma Gandhi used non-violence to force Britain to grant India independence in 1947. Almost immediately, a split between the Hindu and Muslim population led to the creation of Pakistan, leading, ironically, to the end of the world.
"The warheads were fired simultaneously at 9.15 am GMT", noted St John, "striking the capital cities of New Dehli and Islamabad two minutes later. Seconds later, an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, to proclaim the coming of the apocalypse.
"His feet were like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace", added St John, gesticulating frantically "And his voice was as the sound of many waters; and he had in his right hand seven stars; and out his mouth went a sharp two-edged sword; and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength. And he said 'fear not, I am the first and the last, come to proclaim the end of time'. Then all hell broke loose. Literally".
St John noted that while many, including Elijah and Enoch, had speculated that the Anti-Christ would come as a man of peace, making the Anti-Christ Mahatma Gandhi was God at his most ironic.
"I can't remember God being this ironic before", said St John. "This even tops the whole son of a carpenter being nailed to a cross thing. God's outdone himself".
While there is general agreement within the book trade that Gandhi is the Anti-Christ, industry expert Steve Mitchell, speaking from the fifth circle of hell, remains sceptical.
"Gandhi was a patsy", said Mitchell. "He merely fired the gun. It was that evil bastard Einstein who built it"
Einstein, who is currently located in the sixth circle, refused to comment.
GOD
unknown
