Life's too serious - the Ashes Q. What does "Ashes" stand for? A. Another Sad Horrific English Series. Q. What is the height of optimism? A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen. Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English? A. An all rounder. Q. What is the main function of the England coach? A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground. Q. Why is Steve Harmison the unluckiest bowler on tour? A. Because he was born in England. Q. What's the English version of a hat trick? A. Three runs in three balls. Q. Why don't English fielders need pre tour travel injections? A. Because they never catch anything. Q. What's the English version of LBW? A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped. Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name? A. A bowler. Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Ashley Giles? A. The walk back to the pavilion. Q. Who has the easiest job in the England touring party? A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats. Q. What advantage do Andrew Strauss and Neil Pietersen have over the rest of their team mates? A. At least they can say they're not really English. Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common? A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
