That’s exactly it Adam, I had a feeling you would understand....

That’s exactly it Adam, I had a feeling you would understand.

When I was a new grad, I felt this cold flapping near my face as I was caring for a lovely elderly gentleman & his wife who was terribly upset, they had no family in Australia & a very kind neighbour brought his wife to the hospital during the night when we knew time was short, but it was such a peaceful & beautiful death. I will never forget it. I tried to rationalise this experience, & it didn’t make sense, as no where near an air con vent, so I confided my experience in a senior palliative care nurse who was mentoring me, of my experience. She said to me “Oh don’t worry about that, it was the Angels coming to take him”. That was her interpretation of it & becomes almost like normal. That was the first of very many experiences like that.

I think it scares some people, & some might think it is crazy, but you don’t & I kind of thought that the benefit of sharing that might be helpful to you will outweigh people thinking I’m a nutcase. Now I understand why.

That was your Mum saying goodbye to you & letting you know she loves you.

You should not feel guilty for not being there, & I will tell you now, some patients will hang on for a week or more for someone to come from far away, or someone to duck home quickly to get a change of clothes, who has been staying there all the while 24/7.

The human spirit/will is pretty amazing & some clearly don’t want to put their kids through anymore trauma seeing their last breath. It’s hard to tell people that, but it happens & across many cultures & creeds, no coincidence.

Nurses often discuss these things between themselves, but reluctant with others, because I know that some then may see me now as ‘airy fairy’ or a ‘bit crazy’. I don’t actually care if this somehow also helps in your healing Adam. You are a good person & I do believe ‘getting some help there’ in spirit. x