what is being a narcissist like?The narcissist is often worried....

what is being a narcissist like?

The narcissist is often worried. It is usually unconscious, like a nagging pain, a permanence, like being immersed in a gelatinous liquid, trapped and helpless, or as the DSM puts it, it is "all-pervasive". Still, these worries are never diffuse. The narcissist worries about specific people, or possible events, or more or less plausible scenarios. He seems to constantly conjure up some reason or another to be worried or offended. Positive past experiences do not dissuade him from this pre-occupation. He seems to believe that the world is a cruelly arbitrary, ominously contrarian, contrivingly cunning and indifferently crushing place. The narcissist simply "knows" it will all end badly and for no reason. Life is too good to be true and too bad to endure. Civilization is an ideal and the deviations from it are what we call "history". The narcissist is incurably pessimistic, an ignoramus by choice and incorrigibly blind to evidence to the contrary.

This existential angst that permeates his every cell is atavistic and irrational. It has no name or likeness. It is like the monsters in every child's bedroom with the lights turned off. But being the rationalising and intellectualising creatures that cerebral narcissists are – they instantly label it, explain it away, analyse it and predict it. They attribute this poisonous cloud that weighs on them from the inside to some external cause. They set it in a pattern, embed it in a context, transform it into a link in the great chain of being. Hence, diffuse anxiety is transformed into focused worries. Worries are known and measurable quantities. They have reasons which can be tackled and eliminated. They have a beginning and an end. They are linked to names, to places, faces and to people. Worries are human. Thus, the narcissist transforms his demons into notations in his real or mental diary: check this, do that, apply preventive measures, do not allow, pursue, attack, avoid. The language of human conduct in the face of real and immediate danger is cast over the narcissist's anxiety.

But such excessive worrying – whose sole intent is to convert irrational anxiety into the mundane and tangible – is the stuff of paranoia.

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